Wednesday, April 4, 2012

caroline's birth story.

I loved being pregnant. Every stage of it. From finding out, seeing my tiny baby bump begin to appear, watching my belly grow bigger and bigger each week, and even the end when I couldn’t sleep and had a swollen leg and ankles. I was overjoyed to be having a child.  A child I longed for, for as long as I can remember.  A little girl. I took pictures of my growing belly each week, excited to know she was growing and each week we were a little closer to meeting her.  

Throughout the pregnancy, there were so many supportive family members and friends to share in the excitement with me.  I loved every “how far along are you now?”, “how are you feeling?” and even every belly rub.  Then there’s my doctor, the most wonderful, good and kind doctor.  I never had to worry about anything because with her, I never had a reason to.  I was beyond relieved to know that she would in fact deliver my daughter; I wouldn’t want it to be anyone else. 

The morning of January 25th, 5:30 am, my water broke. I’ll never forget the excitement we experienced getting ready to go meet Caroline.  We couldn’t believe the day had finally arrived.  A day we waited for and dreamt of.  I was quickly showering and getting ready as Kyle was making sure we had everything we needed and spending some time with Chester.  Before we left the house, I remember looking around our quiet home, a home the two of us had shared, was about to become a home of our sweet little family and our lives would never be the same. Kyle walked up to me and I knew he was thinking the same thing.  We looked around and kissed…I’ll never forget that moment.  Our last moment together in our house, just us.   We had been waiting for this day for so long.  We were so excited that we were going to meet our girl.

The drive to the hospital seemed to take forever.  We called family and friends on the way to share our excitement with those we love most.  Inevitably, we were stuck in slow moving traffic for most of the trip.  I remember gripping the door handle every time I had a contraction and praying for everyone to just get out of our way! We finally pulled up to the hospital and there was no one at the front to valet our truck so I got out and walked inside(all bags in tow) while Kyle quickly parked.  I remember thinking what the &*^$ is taking him so long! The security guy helped me and put me in a wheelchair as he could clearly see I was having contractions. Soon, Kyle came quickly through the door and pushed me up to labor and delivery.

I remember walking into my room.  I looked over at the warming bed that our daughter would soon be in.  I remember thinking that this baby that’s inside my belly will soon be here, in my arms.  I picked up the little hat that would soon be on her head.  I was filled with so many emotions.   I got settled in and met my nurse, Theresa.  She was so sweet and made me feel so at ease, I will never forget her and how she made this long day such a calm one.  She shared in our excitement to meet our girl, and that meant so much to me.  She checked me and I was 100% effaced and dilated to a four.  They said anesthesia would be in shortly for my epidural.  My parents finally got there (they were stuck in traffic too) and I was so happy to see them. 45 minutes later the epidural had arrived.  I was so ready for it, as I was progressing quickly and the hubby says he thought he had lost a couple of fingers. J After the epidural was in I was told a few contractions later I’d have some relief.  My legs started to get numb but the contractions were strong as ever.  They weren’t sure what was going on but gave it a little bit longer.  My legs were even more numb and my butt was numb but I still felt every contraction with no pain relief.  It turns out I had what they call a “hot spot” and the epidural wasn’t working correctly.  Just when I thought I couldn’t take any more the anesthesia god came in and put something manually into my epidural and about 10 minutes later I finally had relief from the contractions.  They checked me again and I was at 7 cm.  Progressing quickly…we all thought at this point that we’d have our baby out by lunch time! J About an hour later I was at 9 cm and started feeling my contractions again. They came back in to put something else manually into my epidural and 15 minutes later I finally had relief again.  The next time they checked me, it was time to start pushing!

So my parents went to the waiting room with my grandparents and the pushing began.  I pushed for about an hour and half…I was making progress but very slow progress.  Out of nowhere I started feeling my contractions again and they had to come in one last time to give me medicine manually.  Another hour and a half of pushing and I was exhausted and the progress was still very slow. Theresa said she was moving down but just not as much as she should be at this point.  Finally, Dr. Miller arrived and suggested Pitocin and resting for 20 minutes and they emptied my bladder once again.  She mentioned using forceps which I told her I did not want.  So she said “Let’s see what you can do now.” I remember pushing.  Pushing like my life and my daughter’s depended on it. I remember praying to God that I could do this and wouldn’t need forceps or a c-section.  I remember looking up and seeing my daughter’s head in the mirror (yes, I wanted the mirror…I didn’t want to miss one second of the most amazing thing that would ever happen to me).  She said “Ok, looks like you’re going to push this baby out all on your own.” Thank you, Jesus.

About 20 minutes later, her head was out and the next two pushes she was here.  I remember watching this sweet perfect, pink little girl come out of me.  They handed her to me.  I remember being in complete euphoria.  I had never been happier than I was in that exact moment.  She was here. She was perfect.  I remember seeing her sweet little face as they placed this perfect angel into my arms.  I remember tears of joy falling down my face as we stared at this precious thing that was all ours.  In that instant I knew I would never love anything more than I loved her.  Sweet Caroline Alaine…we kept telling her how beautiful she was and how much we loved her as she quietly looked at us.  I remember kissing her over and over.  I remember Kyle’s face being right next to me as we looking at our daughter, in complete awe.  I forgot everyone else in the room existed and it was just us, the three of us. Crying, smiling, laughing and kissing. I remember thinking the happiness I felt must not be humanly possible.  I must be dreaming.  We drank her in and marveled at her perfect pouty lips, tiny button nose and perfectly golden hair. 

I will never forget seeing Caroline and her daddy for the first time.  Watching him hold her and tell her how much he loved her as she just stared at him.  So much love filled my heart and we shared something that no one else could ever share with us.  The love of this little girl, OUR daughter.  He brought her back to me and we talked to her and stared at her for the longest time. I remember thinking, “I never want to forget this moment.” I don’t see how I ever could.

I loved having her grandparents and great grandparents pile in to admire and love on her.  I filled my heart with so much joy to see those we love, and the love they have for her.  I got moved to a much nicer room and they went to bathe our sweet girl.  It seemed like she was gone for the longest time and I longed for her to be in my arms again.  She finally returned and she was even more beautiful than I remembered.

We had many visitors that came to see her that night.  I’ll always remember those who came to celebrate our sweet girl’s arrival.  But what I remember most was when they all left.  I remember looking at my daughter and thinking I’d never felt more proud.  I thought my heart would burst.  Pure, raw emotion that can’t be put into words.  That’s a feeling that never goes away.  I still feel it every time I look at her.  She’s here. She’s mine.  And I love her so very much.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

home again, home again jiggedy jig.

we're heading back home to texas in 5 days.
boxes are packed and sealed up. 
furniture is gone, and walls are empty.

we are more than ecstatic to be going back home to our family and friends!
but it just doesn't seem real.
i don't think it will set in until we get back home and our things are put away.
not until we cook dinner together or have company over will it really set in that we are back home, for good.

even though the winter was brutal and colder than we could've ever imagined.
even though the past few months have been hard and texas is where we want to be, there are things about this place and this past year that we'll never forget.

i loved being in a new place and meeting new people along the way.
i loved waking up every morning to snow falling and drinking my coffee as I soak it all in.
i loved watching chester frolic in the snow.
i loved having a white christmas and seeing "christmas trees" covered in snow.

i'll never forget the people i've met who have done so much to make us feel welcome here.
or the mall where we spend many winter days.
i'll never forget our anniversary at jasper national park and the beautiful things we saw there.
or elk island national park where we had many weekend picnics and spent a lot of time hiking.

i'll always remember kyle shoveling the driveway and cursing at the snow that was currently falling from the sky onto the half shoveled driveway. :)
and how happy he was to see the last of the snow melt and knew his shoveling days were over.

i'll always be grateful for how this adventure has brought my hubby and i closer than we ever imagined.
i'm grateful to have had my precious dog with me and don't know how i would have survived without him.
i'm grateful for skype and free calls to the u.s., moving here was hard and not talking to family and friends ALL the time would have made it so much harder.

there are things that have happened in this past year that have definitely changed my life.
i lost my cousin, brittani, who is more like a sister to me, she's made such a huge impact on my life.  even though i wasn't there to say goodbye, i did get to go home to celebrate her life. it comforts me to know that she's joined her sister in heaven and i now have them both watching over me. my two precious angels. 
we also found out we were pregnant here.  such a special moment, and even though it was weeks before we told anyone, i loved that we were giddy and couldn't talk about anything else with each other since we couldn't tell anyone else.  i will always remember my husband's reaction to seeing the word *pregnant* on the home pregnancy test.  our lives were forever changed in one instant. :)

i'm excited for the future and what the next chapter of our lives has to bring.
i'm ready to get back to texas.
i'm excited about teaching and being in the classroom with kiddos again.
i'm thrilled to be close to friends and family again and look forward to A LOT of time with them. spontaneous pedicures or shopping trips are things i have missed dearly.
i can't wait to find out what our precious little one is,
and i CAN'T WAIT to become a momma and watch kyle become a daddy.

but this past year in canada has been a blessing.
an adventure i will always treasure,
and one i'll never forget.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

12 weeks.

i'm 12 weeks. close to being through the first trimester...and that just means we're closer to finding out what our little love is!
so far this pregnancy has treated me very well, i feel great and am thankful for that!

we are heading back to texas in one week and 4 days and i cannot wait! here's a little info on me and this little one in my belly!

How far along? 12 weeks 1 day

Total weight gain/loss: gained 3 pounds

Maternity clothes? nope, not yet, but my jeans no longer button comfortably, i'll be getting belly bands very soon! : )

Stretch marks? no, it's too early for that but i'm being extra cautious and already using tummy butter every night! : )

Sleep: sleeping very well except for waking up in the middle of the night many times to take trips to the restroom! it's a lot less frequent than it was a month ago though!

Best moment this week: feeling like i'm showing

Movement: too early still

Food cravings: salsa, brownies and cheese!

Gender: we'll find out in september!

Labor Signs: no way!

Belly Button in or out? in

Wedding rings on or off? on

What I miss: wine, deli meat, tuna and frozen margaritas!

What I am looking forward to: finding out if it's a boy or girl and being able to feel him or her!

Milestones: not really any yet...according to what to expect when you're expecting, the little one can open and close it's hands! : )

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

the greatest gift.

we are expecting!
our little one is expected to arrive january 27, 2012.
kyle and i have always talked about becoming parents, but we were just waiting for the right time and wanted some time just the two of us for a while. so after 2 and a half years of marraige, in april, we decided that we were ready to add to our little family. so we stopped preventing it in the hopes that within the next 6 months or so, we'd get pregnant.  little did we know it would happen a lot sooner than that. : ) about two and a half weeks later i told kyle that i was pregnant(i just knew i was, i can't explain it!).  he thought i was crazy of course.  a few days later i had a line down the middle of my belly. (i know what you're thinking...wha?! already??...i thought the same thing!) i showed the hubbs and told him see...i told you i'm pregnant! he still wasn't buying it. so about a week later i bought a few pregnancy tests and planned to take one the next morning. i woke up so excited and the few minutes it takes for the test seemed like forever!  i went and looked at the stick and there was a faint little pink line.  i showed kyle and of course he said, "it's not very dark." i tried explaining to him that a line is a line and it was probably too early that's why it was so faint.  so a few days later i took another and the line was a little darker...and then to ease my husband's doubts bought a digital test and showed him the next morning the words "pregnant" and then he really believed it was true....we were having a baby!  we laughed, we cried, we were thrilled! we couldn't believe it happened so fast and just weeks ago we were dreaming about the wonderfulness of parenthood... and now we were expecting! we had plans to go back to texas a few weeks later and we didn't want to tell anyone over the phone. so a reallly really  LONG 3 weeks later we finally went home.  i went to my first doctor appointment and had an ultrasound.  everything looked great so of course we couldn't wait to tell our families and friends.  everyone was surprised and so excited for the new addition!

we are now back in canada and will be driving back home to texas in a few weeks. we cannot wait!
i got a job teaching second grade at a new school that's opening and we couldn't be more excited to be going back to texas AND becoming parents in a little over 6 months!

we can't wait to find out if we'll be bringing a sweet little boy or girl into this world! (i have a feeling it's a girl, but who knows!) as long as it's healthy we don't care at all!

just wanted to share the news....when we get back to texas i'll put my ultrasound pictures on here(I left them there) and by then maybe a belly pic or two. : )

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

joy of love: passions & hobbies

day 9: passion & hobbies

day 9: hobby {february 9}
{chester loves to play with his most recently purchased toy, earl the chick magnet.}

meet earl.

"what are you lookin' at?"

joy of love: day 8

day 8: who they love

day 8: who they love {february 8}
{chester LOVES kyle...he waits for him to get home from work, sitting and looking out of the window EVERDAY}

*patiently waiting for Kyle to get home*

Saturday, February 5, 2011

joy of love: day 4

Day 4: Love to hate

day 4{february 5}
love to hate...
It drives me crazy when Chester licks me! He's such a licker too so it's a constant battle, I know he's being sweet, but ick!